How to Be a Better Friend: 6 Habits to Strengthen Your Bond

Friendship Appreciation Team
Aug 31
18 min read

Updated: Oct 27

Two friends laughing together, illustrating how to be a better friend through support and joy.

Have you ever seen that video going around about cactus friends and bonsai friends? The idea is that cactus friends don’t need much attention—like a cactus that survives weeks or months without watering, these friends are always there, even if you go a while without checking in. Bonsai friends, on the other hand, require a little more tending and attention.

But the truth is, most real friendships don’t fit neatly into either category. They change with the seasons. Some days, you’re the one doing the yardwork. Other days, you’re lucky enough to feel the care coming your way.

Small daily efforts matter, but sometimes your habits deserve a little help. That’s where Friendship Boxes come in—turning everyday love into a big, memorable gesture.

In other words, true friendship takes intention. Not perfection, not grand gestures, not even constant communication; just presence, kindness, and small moments that say, I see you and I appreciate you.

Wondering how to be a better friend? Here are six doable ways to show up more fully, plus meaningful ideas for expressing that love when you want to go beyond words—including Friendship Boxes, the ultimate friendship gift to speak straight to the heart.

Why Being a Better Friend Matters

You’ve probably heard some version of the phrase humans are social creatures. Humans, unlike most other animals, rely on connection to feel safe, understood, and whole. We’re built for closeness and we need other people to remind us we’re not in it alone.

That’s why we start making friends long before we even understand what friendship means. It’s instinct. We gravitate toward the people who make us feel seen, who laugh at the same things, and who stand next to us when things get hard.

In fact, scientists have proven that strong friendships improve our physical and emotional well-being. Quality friendships have been linked to lower stress levels, better heart health, deeper resilience, and even longer lifespans [1].

But beyond the studies, we know it in our bones: showing up for your friends makes life better for everyone involved. That’s why being a better friend is so important. It’s one of the simplest, most powerful ways to care for someone, and to feel cared for in return.

How to Reflect on the Friend You Are

Before you dive into tips for being a better friend, it helps to pause and take stock of how you show up in your friendships right now. Self-reflection isn’t about nitpicking every minor fumble—it’s about being curious and compassionate with yourself as you learn and grow.

Here are a few gentle approaches to get started:

Jot Down Your Friendship Moments: Keep a low-pressure journal (or a running note on your phone) where you record interactions that stand out—times you felt proud of your support, or times you wish you’d handled something differently. Over time, patterns emerge that help you see your strengths and nudge you towards small changes.
Invite Honest Conversations: Ask a close friend or two for feedback about how you show up. It can feel vulnerable at first, but hearing their perspective (without defensiveness) opens the door to deeper trust—and sometimes shines a light on blind spots you can’t see alone.
Practice Walking in Their Shoes: Take a moment after a disagreement or a missed connection to imagine how your friend experienced the situation. Would you feel cared for if the roles were reversed? This tiny shift in perspective naturally inspires more thoughtfulness next time.
Try a Little Mindfulness: Even five minutes a day of tuning into your thoughts and feelings—whether through meditation, a slow walk, or intentional breathing—can anchor you in the present. This self-awareness makes it easier to notice when you’re acting out of stress or habit, and gives you a moment to choose a more caring response.

Reflecting on your friendship style isn’t about striving for perfect marks. It’s about appreciating the good you already offer, and gently inviting in more of what matters—with kindness for yourself every step of the way.

How Can I Be a Better Friend? 6 Practical Ways That Truly Count

Being a better friend doesn’t require dramatic gestures or constant availability; what matters is how you show up, and how you make the people in your life feel when you do. Here are some tips to help you be a more intentional friend in the ways that count most.

Signs You Might Be Falling Short as a Friend

Maybe you’re reading this and wondering, “Am I actually a good friend?” The truth is, even the kindest cactus or most attentive bonsai can have an off-season. Life gets busy, and sometimes our best intentions don’t quite translate into action. If you’re unsure where you stand, here are a few signs that may mean your friendship garden could use a little extra tending:

You’re tough to reach—and not just because you forgot to text back once. If your go-to move is canceling plans at the last minute or going radio silent when your friend needs support, you might be sending the message (unintentionally!) that they aren’t a top priority. We all have busy stretches, but if the pattern sticks, it can leave your friend feeling left out or undervalued.
Conversations feel one-sided (and not in a fun, “tell me everything!” way). Do you catch yourself zoning out or jumping in with your own story instead of hearing theirs? Maybe you’re quick to solve their problems or steer the chat elsewhere. Thoughtful listening is one of the greatest gifts in friendship—when it goes missing, connection does too.
Support starts sounding like criticism. Everyone needs a gentle reality check now and then, but if your feedback feels more biting than bolstering, it’s time for a gut check. Friends should feel safe—supported for who they are, not just corrected for what they do wrong.

If any of these ring true, don’t panic. No one gets it right all the time. Friendship is a living thing—always growing, sometimes needing a little pruning and fresh sunlight.

How to Tell If You’re Falling Short as a Friend

Just like a droopy pothos or a neglected ficus, friendships can show signs of wilting if we aren’t intentional about our care. While no one is perfect (spoiler: not even the friend who brings you soup when you’re sick), it’s helpful to notice those little warning lights that signal you might not be showing up as your best self.

Here are a few gentle, honest ways to check in with yourself:

You’re hard to reach... And not just because you hate phone calls: Life gets busy, but if you find yourself regularly ghosting texts, declining invites, or rescheduling hangouts for the third time, it could leave friends feeling like they’re always at the bottom of your to-do list.
Your attention drifts when you’re together: Maybe you’re half-listening while scrolling Instagram, or you realize (mid-story) that you have no idea what your friend just said. If you’re mentally somewhere else during your hangouts, it’s a sign you might need to water those connection roots.
Feedback starts to sound like a Yelp review: A little honesty is handy, but if most of your “advice” feels more like criticism, or you catch yourself nitpicking their choices, pause and ask: Am I saying this to help, or am I just judging from the sidelines?

Most of us slip up sometimes—what matters is noticing the habit and steering back toward intention and care. Because, in the end, strong friendships are less about being flawless and more about being present, kind, and forgiving (with a dash of self-awareness).

1. Listen Deeply and Without Distraction

Real listening is one of the most powerful ways to care for someone, no matter if it’s a friend, a family member, or even a stranger. In a world where our attention is constantly pulled in different directions, offering your full presence is a gift. That means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and tuning in without jumping to offer advice or share your own story. Sometimes, your friend doesn’t need a solution, they just need to be heard.

Listening with intention also means noticing what’s said and what’s left unsaid; picking up on tone, pauses, or that one-word answer that means more than it lets on. When a friend feels seen in their words—and their silences—it builds the kind of trust that lasts.

Psychologists also note that active listening reduces stress and increases feelings of support, making it one of the simplest but most impactful habits in any friendship [2].

A helpful tip: Encourage your friend to share how they’re feeling and listen without judgment. Sometimes it takes time for people to open up, so be patient and give your friend the space to share at their own pace. This gentle patience can help you respond to their needs more compassionately and effectively.

Can Meditation Help Improve My Relationships with Friends?

Absolutely. Meditation isn’t just good for easing your mind; it’s also a quiet superpower when it comes to nurturing your friendships.

When you take a few minutes each day to sit still and tune in—whether you’re focusing on your breath or practicing loving-kindness meditation—a few wonderful things start to happen. You become more attuned to your own thoughts and emotions, which means you're less likely to snap or misread a friend’s offhand comment. That self-awareness spills over into your relationships, making it easier to notice how you’re showing up for others.

Regular mindfulness also helps dial up your empathy. Instead of rushing in with advice or skipping ahead to your own story, you’ll find it easier to pause, actually hear what your friend is saying, and respond with genuine care (not just the “uh-huh, anyway…” response). Studies even show that meditation can lower stress and boost emotional regulation—so when the group chat explodes or plans go sideways, you’re more likely to meet your friends with calm, curiosity, and maybe even a little more patience.

If you’re new to meditation, there’s no need to overthink it. Even simple practices—like a few slow breaths before meeting up, or a guided body scan before bed—can help you bring a steadier, more open-hearted presence to your friendships. Think of it as watering your inner bonsai tree, so you can care for your friends with more intention, attention, and kindness.

2. Show Up Consistently

Consistency is one of the clearest answers to the question of how to become a better friend. By being present in both big and small ways, you build trust that lasts.

Friendship isn’t built in the big, flashy moments; it’s built in the steady rhythm of being there, time after time. One University of Kansas study found it takes around 50 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and over 200 hours to grow into a close one—proof that consistency really counts [3].

Being a consistent presence in someone’s life creates a sense of safety and reliability that runs deep and makes us feel less lonely even if we’re alone. This could look like checking in when there’s no big news, remembering a job interview, a doctor’s appointment, or the anniversary of something meaningful for them.

Consistency also means showing up through the full range of life: the messy, the joyful, the boring in-between. Being there in hard times matters, of course. But so does cheering them on during a win or laughing together during a random Tuesday.

Make Time for Shared Moments

Consistency isn’t just about frequency—it’s about the quality of the time you spend together. Whether it’s a spontaneous coffee date, a Saturday morning hike, or venturing out to explore a new corner of your city, shared experiences deepen your connection and create lasting memories. Sometimes, that means organizing a game night, cooking a meal together, or just sitting on the couch talking about nothing and everything.

Remember, it’s not about grand gestures or filling every calendar slot; it’s about showing up with intention and making your friendship a priority. And as you invest in being there for your friend, don’t forget to let them know how they can support you, too. Strong friendships are a two-way street, built on showing up—again and again—in all the little ways that matter.

3. Celebrate Your Friend’s Wins

Sometimes, we think that showing up when they’re struggling is what makes us a good friend— and it does. But showing up when things are going well matters just as much. Celebrating your friend’s wins, big or small, reinforces joy, loyalty, and mutual pride.

Celebrating their wins can look like a heartfelt message, a voice note, or a thoughtful gift that says, this moment matters. It doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top. It just has to feel intentional. Even something as simple as a Friendship Box can say, You did it, and I’m cheering you on.

4. Be Honest and Gentle

Strong friendships are rooted in trust, and trust deepens through honesty. You can do this by sharing how something felt in the moment, being open about what you’re going through, or giving your friend the space to speak their truth too. Being honest allows for closeness that goes beyond surface-level connection, showing that the relationship matters enough to be real.

But honesty needs care to land well. You can express how you feel without blaming and offer your support without judgment. Being direct and compassionate at the same time takes practice, but it’s one of the best ways to strengthen a friendship that lasts.

Communicate Openly and Thoughtfully

When something’s on your mind, talk about it directly and respectfully—don’t let small annoyances simmer into big resentments. Open conversations help prevent misunderstandings before they grow into real problems. If you need to share something difficult, try using “I” statements, like “I felt hurt when…,” to express your feelings without placing blame. This kind of language keeps things open, honest, and safe for both of you.

And remember, being honest isn’t just about speaking—it’s also about listening. Take the time to truly invest in what your friend is saying. Sometimes, all it takes is a little patience and a lot of heart for both of you to feel seen and heard.

Handle Conflicts with Care

Even in the best friendships, bumps in the road are inevitable. What really matters is how you move through those tough moments together—because conflict, when handled thoughtfully, can actually deepen your bond instead of breaking it.

First, try to approach the conversation with a steady heart. Take a breath, give yourself a beat, and make space for honesty. Pick a private spot where both of you feel comfortable—coffee shops are great for catching up, but sometimes you need the quiet of a park bench or a walk around the neighborhood.

Practice listening as you would during any other important moment: with intent, patience, and curiosity. Let your friend share their side fully before jumping in with your own thoughts. This isn’t about winning or losing—it’s about understanding each other a little better.

When it’s your turn, use “I” statements to share how something landed for you. (For example: “I felt hurt when…” rather than “You always…”). Keeping the focus on your feelings helps prevent defensiveness and keeps the conversation from spiraling into a blame game.

Stay with what’s happening now. Try not to dig up ancient history or list every past frustration. If you realize you missed the mark, own up to it. A simple, sincere apology goes further than you think—none of us gets it right every time.

Most importantly, work together to find a path forward, even if it means agreeing to disagree sometimes. A willingness to meet in the middle shows the friendship matters more than being right. And when you part ways, check in again soon. Repairing after conflict isn’t just about solving the problem—it’s about reminding each other that your friendship is worth the effort.

5. Respect Boundaries and Differences

No two friendships are exactly alike, and that’s part of what makes them so special. Each person brings their own background, needs, communication style, and limits. Being a better friend means recognizing and honoring those differences, even when they don’t align with your own.

It also means being willing to ask and really listen; for example, something as simple as, Do you want to talk about it? or What would feel helpful right now? can open space for connection. Just remember not to guess or assume; being open, curious, and responsive builds the kind of friendship that feels safe and supportive over time.

Setting and Maintaining Boundaries with Kindness

When it comes to boundaries, clarity and compassion go hand in hand. Here are a few ways to set and uphold healthy limits in your friendships:

Communicate your needs clearly and honestly: Use “I” statements to share your feelings—think, I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute—so your friend understands your perspective without feeling blamed.
Be consistent: Once you've set a boundary, try to stick with it. Consistency helps reinforce that your needs matter and makes boundaries feel less confusing for everyone involved.
Share your reasons: Explaining why a boundary is important (“I need time to recharge so I can show up for you fully”) shows that your intention is to strengthen, not distance, your connection.
Offer reassurance: Remind your friend that setting boundaries doesn’t mean you care any less. If anything, it’s a way to ensure your friendship stays healthy and respectful for both of you.

Ultimately, respecting boundaries—your own and your friend’s—isn’t about building walls. It’s about creating the kind of understanding where both people feel heard, valued, and comfortable being themselves.

How to Recognize and Address Toxic Behaviors in Friendship

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, friendships can veer off course. Knowing how to spot unhealthy patterns—and what to do about them—can make all the difference for your own well-being.

While every friendship will have its rocky moments, certain signs signal something deeper than a rough patch:

Consistent Negativity: If spending time together leaves you feeling drained or anxious more often than not, it might be a sign to look closer.
A Lack of Support: True friends show up in all chapters of your story, not just when it’s stormy or when there’s something to gain. If your successes are ignored or minimized—or your struggles met with absence—it’s valid to pause and reflect.
Overstepping Boundaries: Healthy friendships honor each other’s autonomy. If you notice controlling behaviors, constant criticism, or a disregard of your needs, these are red flags.
Eroding Trust: Trust is the scaffolding that friendships are built on. Frequent lying, secrecy, or hurtful gossip can chip away at that foundation, leaving you feeling uncertain or excluded.
Unbalanced Give-and-Take: If one person’s needs, opinions, or comfort always outweigh the other’s, or if jealousy and competition start to overshadow joy, it might be time to reassess.

What You Can Do

Naming and addressing toxic behaviors takes courage, but it can also lead to positive change—whether through repair or by creating space for healthier connections.

Start with Honest Communication: Share how certain actions make you feel, using “I” statements to express your own experience without blaming.
Set and Reinforce Boundaries: Clarify what feels okay and what doesn’t. Remember, your boundaries are valid—even if they’re met with resistance.
Step Back If Needed: Sometimes, limiting contact (or taking a break altogether) is the healthiest option for both people involved.
Seek Support: Talking things through with someone you trust—or a mental health professional—can help you process what you’re experiencing and decide on next steps.

Assessing a friendship isn’t about perfection or keeping score. It’s about making room for mutual respect, trust, and care—the qualities that help both of you grow.

6. Express Gratitude Regularly

Because feeling appreciated never gets old, one of the most meaningful things you can do as a friend is to say, I’m thankful for you. And the best part is that it doesn’t have to be reserved for birthdays or big milestones. A quick message after a good conversation, a note tucked into their bag, or a random “thinking of you” text all leave a lasting imprint, reminding your friend that who they are, and what they bring into your life, matters.

Gratitude can also be expressed through action, like showing up with their favorite snack, making time when life gets busy, or surprising them with something thoughtful—like a Friendship Box. A meaningful gift doesn’t need to be elaborate; it just needs to reflect the connection you’ve built and the love that holds it together.

According to research from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, expressing gratitude is one of the strongest ways to reinforce friendships, building trust and deepening bonds over time [4].

Beyond these six habits, friendships are also shaped by life’s circumstances. Here are a couple ways to nurture your bond through the ups and downs that every relationship faces.

Recognizing Red Flags in Friendships

Just like any relationship, friendships should feel supportive, energizing, and rooted in trust. But what if things feel... Off? Here are a few warning signs that your friendship may be tipping into toxic territory:

Negativity That Won’t Quit: A bit of venting is totally normal, but if every interaction leaves you feeling emotionally zapped, or if your friend constantly focuses on the worst in every situation, it may be taking a toll.
Silent When It Matters Most: True friends show up—whether you’re on cloud nine or feeling stuck in a rut. If someone vanishes during your big moments, or you notice they’re oddly absent when you need them most, take note.
Competitive, Not Collaborative: Healthy friendships thrive on mutual support, not one-upmanship. Pay attention if your friend seems jealous, dismisses your successes, or always needs to “win.” It can chip away at the joy you share.
Pressure to Conform: Every friendship has its own rhythm, but if you find yourself pressured to make choices that don’t feel like you, or if your friend tries to control your actions, that’s not respect—it’s manipulation.
Breach of Trust: Trust is the foundation. If you discover your friend is frequently dishonest, gossips behind your back, or shares your secrets, it’s a sign the safety net in your friendship isn’t holding up.

It’s not always easy to spot these signs—sometimes the shift is subtle and slow. But if you notice these patterns more often than not, it’s worth pausing to reflect. Your wellbeing matters, and the best friendships are built on respect, kindness, and reliability.

7. Develop Deeper Reserves of Empathy

Empathy is the secret ingredient to lasting friendships. Encourage your friend to share how they’re feeling and let them know their feelings are valid. Let your friend know that you understand their perspective, even if you don’t share the same experience. Sometimes, just saying, I can see why you feel that way, can open up space for genuine connection.

If you want to strengthen your empathy muscles, try exercises that help you put yourself in your friend’s shoes—like imagining what their day looked like or reflecting on a time when you felt similarly. Remember, truly being there for someone means responding to what they need, not what you assume they need. Be patient; it may take time for your friend to open up, but your steady presence is often exactly what’s needed.

Beyond these habits, friendships are also shaped by life’s circumstances. Here are a couple ways to nurture your bond through the ups and downs that every relationship faces.

How to Nurture Your Friendships Through Life’s Ups and Downs

Friends make good times better, but they also make the not-so-great times easier to manage. A strong friendship holds steady through the high points, the disappointments, and everything in between. There are seasons when everything feels in sync, and others when schedules clash, emotions run high, or distance creeps in. What matters is continuing to be there, even when things aren’t convenient. Friendships shift with life’s seasons, but learning how to be better friends through both the highs and the lows keeps those bonds strong.

Here are a couple tips to consider:

Support Friends During Challenges

When someone you love is going through a hard time, it’s natural to want to help. But friendship doesn’t always mean having the right answer. More often, it means making space, without pressure, judgment, or the urge to fix.

During more challenging times, support can take many forms. For example, you can offer to run errands, drop off a care package, listen without interrupting, or even say, I don’t have the right words, but I care about you. These small acts let your friend know that even in the middle of something heavy, they’re not forgotten.

Keep Friendships Strong Across Distance

Life moves. People relocate for work, family, love, or a fresh start, but distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. What keeps long-distance friendships alive is intention. And, traditions can help, too.

An annual trip, a shared holiday ritual, or sending each other gifts that mean something (like a Friendship Box) can all be little rituals that help you be a better long-distance friend—and keep learning how to become better friends, no matter the miles between you.

Fun Ways to Strengthen Your Bond

Friendship isn’t just heart-to-hearts and handwritten notes—it’s also about shared joy and good old-fashioned fun. Spending intentional, quality time together can deepen your bond in ways that words sometimes can’t. If you’re looking for ideas, here are a few friendship-boosting activities to consider:

Make adventure your tradition: Whether it’s a spontaneous outdoor hike on a Saturday morning or renting bikes and discovering hidden corners of your city, a little fresh air and a change of scenery go a long way.
Start a game night: Board games, card games, or even the latest Nintendo Switch obsession—laughter, friendly competition, and snacks are highly recommended.
Get cooking (or baking): Choose a recipe you’ve never tried, try to outdo each other on “presentation,” or just bake cookies for no reason except pure comfort.
Create something together: Paint, craft, or even have a DIY night where you both leave with a homemade keepsake (and maybe a few glue gun battle scars).
Stay active as a team: Sign up for a yoga class, try rock climbing, or even challenge each other with a new workout routine. Sometimes just moving together can lift both your spirits.
Make it a culture date: Catch a live concert, wander around a museum, or check out a poetry night at the local coffee shop—shared experiences offer new things to talk and laugh about.
Volunteer side by side: Helping out at a food bank, local shelter, or community garden not only strengthens your bond but also makes a positive impact together.

Mix these in among your regular routines, and you’ll find that the best memories (and the strongest friendships) are built from both the big adventures and the everyday moments.

Meaningful Gestures That Speak Volumes

You don’t need a big moment to make someone feel deeply loved. If you’re looking for simple ways to show a friend they matter, these small actions can be incredibly meaningful:

Mention an inside joke in a casual message or comment
Send a voice note instead of typing, especially when you know they’ve had a long day
Drop off their go-to snack, coffee, or comfort food without making it a big thing
Share a photo or memory from years ago with a quick: This still makes me laugh
Write a short, honest note, like I really value having you in my life
Make a low-effort playlist around a mood or memory you both share
Surprise them with a curated Friendship Box that speaks louder than words

Celebrate the Friends Who Shaped You with Friendshipbox.com

It’s no secret that friendship can improve your life in nearly every way; strong connections bring joy, stability, and a sense of belonging that nothing else can replace. And being a better friend doesn’t require perfection; just being present, showing gratitude, and taking the time to do small gestures that remind someone they’re valued.

At Friendshipbox.com, we believe every bond deserves acknowledgment, and sometimes your daily habits deserve a little help. That’s why our curated Bestie Boxes and Bro Boxes are designed to turn appreciation into a lasting, meaningful gift—with more value than competitors and all the heart of a custom-made surprise.

Every friendship deserves recognition, from the ones that helped you grow to the ones that held you steady through change, and when we celebrate those bonds we honor the role they’ve played in shaping who we are.

So take one small step today. Reach out to a friend you’ve been thinking of. Share a memory that still makes you smile. Or send a Friendship Box as a meaningful way to say, You matter to me. Because the best friendships are worth celebrating, again and again.

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